Domestic Valor

Advice for Clergy, Police, Doctors and Family

Domestic Violence and Early Signs

Kim Cooper, Author of Back from the Looking Glass – Living with the Personality Disorder that Causes Emotional and Physical Abuse’ steps through the wall of silence and shame surrounding domestic violence to tell her own true story.

Kim and her husband Steve’s guide is published online at https://thencmarriage.com/bookshop/ They also run a popular blog and support site at https://narcissismcured.com with a bi-weekly online radio show called ‘the Love Safety Net ‘ which listeners receive by subscription. They have healed their troubled marriage and now work to help others do the same.

“Domestic Violence looks different in public than it is usually portrayed,” Says Kim, “Perpetrators often sufferer from NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) and are highly skilled at charming and deceiving people. Other women may envy the wife in this family and the perpetrator will seek praise, respect and admiration for himself in public, while being a very different person in private. He may appear the model husband and father to the outer world or make others feel that his family are not worthy of him, he may also tell lies about his wife to gain sympathy from others. “Black eyes can be covered up with makeup, or hidden at home, but domestic violence looks more like a husband who plays the hero at his family’s expense.”

“My husband Steve, like many perpetrators, suffered from NPD. He acted the hero in public, but at home he was sarcastic and rude, he put us down and didn’t like us being happy, I felt like no one would believe me if I spoke out,” Says Kim.

Families of NPD sufferers can be in denial about the violence that it causes. They may avoid getting help for this because NPD sufferers provoke people and the violence is not always one-sided. A victim may be provoked into throwing the first punch,’ but the perpetrator with NPD is more likely to do real damage when they retaliate.

We have the families of some very high profile people contact us for advice and support because they are victims of emotional abuse. People who would never leave their partner but who need help. It is good that they feel they can contact us, because emotional abuse leads to domestic violence and is an early sign of it developing.

Kim warns that much of the advice about NPD online is highly discriminatory. Many say to leave your partner if you even suspect that they may have NPD and, worse, that there is no cure. She disputes this saying a family that can understand why a person is behaving this way, backed by a strong support network in the community can help a person with NPD grow through these problems which many professionals now consider a developmental gap rather than a true mental illness or disorder.

“The family of a person with NPD, if properly educated and supported, is a great asset to a community dealing with Domestic Violence. If they choose to stand by and help, they deserve respect and support,” says Kim, “Divorce should be the last option, there are much better ones to try first.” Kim warns however “Please don’t think things will improve by themselves, hoping that you won’t lose your temper ‘next time’ just doesn’t work.”

To learn more about Kim’s guide “Back from the Looking Glass” please visit


Read Kim’s treatise on Narcissism at


or access free advice for police, ministers, clergy, doctors family and friends at

domesticvalor.com where you will also find an authors page with more information on Kim.

Journalists and bloggers have permission to reproduce or reprint any of this release in context and with all web addresses included with Kim Cooper acknowledged as the author.

Need a photo? Email kimcooper66@gmail.com